By Bree Hocking
So your opponent in the presidential election is a bona fide Senator McDreamy – tall, dark and handsome with a wicked jump shot, a megawatt grin and an Ivy League law degree.
The last thing you want to do is draw attention to his assets.
And yet, it looks like that’s exactly your game plan, Senator McGoo.
Because, you know, the surest way to take McDreamy down is to point out how cool, popular and eminently smooth he is. Pout over the global crowds that flock to him and complain about feeling “a little left out.” Sponsor a contest for best song mocking the media’s “Obama love.” Ooh, ooh, then, maybe you could shuffle awkwardly through the aisles of a supermarket as applesauce tumbles from the shelves and the P.A. system drowns out your canned message of empathy.
The sympathy vote will carry you every time.
Just ask Gerald Ford or Mike Dukakis or Bob Dole. Everybody loves a bumbler. Granted, George W. Bush was no Cary Grant. But come on, Al Gore and John Kerry – two of the great political mummies of our time – were hardly stiff competition (no pun intended). A monkey has more charisma that those two put together. Ahem.
So by all means, McGoo, keep talking about Czechoslovakia and run ads that tout your rival as the biggest celebrity in the world. Make sure to interpolate images of a well-known pair of empty-headed blondes with a penchant for dropping their panties. People will never be able to tell the difference. Could a President Spears or Hilton be in the works? Is McDreamy a “gateway” candidate? Could Lindsay Lohan be next? No doubt, he will be rendered powerless by such an association. There are few things Americans despise more than a celebrity, after all. Ronald Reagan could write a book about it.
Finally, should McDreamy point out the obvious – um, that people are actually excited about his candidacy – call him audacious, too big for his britches, cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Then cross your arms, stomp your feet, turn around three times and hope to heavens that the Wicked Witch of the West turns him into a turnip.
At least then it would be a fair fight.
Brilliant, Bree! Seriously, the next thing you know, McCain will be face down on the floor pounding his fists and kicking his legs.
Granted, some of the media attention on Obama is sort of fawning, but still. Saw something on tv the other night that a media matters study found that only about 50% of the stories on Obama were positive versus 70% or so for McCain that were positive.